Grieving and Overlooked

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Grieving and Overlooked
Topic Started: Feb 28 2010, 09:49 AM (142 Views)
Post #1 Feb 28 2010, 09:49 AM	eye95
Sunday, February 28, 2010 DEAR GRIEVING: Your signature says it all. You are grieving. Feelings of guilt while grieving are not at all unusual. Your counselor can help you work through those feelings. From the moral perspective: You broke no promises. Hospice is not a hospital. Also, while you may have intended to place your mother in hospice, that decision was overtaken by events. On the subject of the other promise, you talked your mother into cremation. There was no promise in effect to bury her. TO ALL: The dying should not burden the living, especially if the dying are parents. Making unreasonable demands for the disposition of one's remains (short of religious requirements, which really are for the living) selfishly places a burden on those left behind. And, requiring expensive dispositions in lieu of less expensive options when the survivors will be financially strapped is unreasonable. Making unreasonable demands for one's care at the end selfishly places a burden on family and friends. Furthermore, requiring that they provide the care in lieu of professionals is unreasonable. Hospice is a non-hospital option for end-of-life care for those who need round-the-clock care that exhausted families cannot provide. Quality hospice provides as home-like an environment as possible, while ensuring quality health care at the end. DEAR OVERLOOKED: Knock it off. Jealously comparing what you and your sister get from your mother is behavior one expects from a 10-year-old, not from an adult. Contrary to Abby's reply, I see not tactlessness on Lia's part. Not knowing why she estimated how much time Mom spent with her family (perhaps you asked?), it is an unwarranted conclusion-jump to assume she did it tactlessly. It is perfectly natural, even laudable, that you mother spends more time with her grandchildren than she spends with your childless family. I am terribly sorry if you could not have children, but still wanted them. However, unfortunate circumstances have unfortunate attending effects. If, on the other hand, you had chosen not to have children, then your mother not spending as much time with you as with her grandchildren is a predictable consequence of that choice. In either case, your mother's choices about how much time to spend where are normal and moral. Be an adult and accept the situation.	Administrator Posts: 2,647 Group: Editor-in-Chief Member #1 Joined: December 11, 2005



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