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| Conflicted, Parent of a Special Child, and Grateful | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 21 2010, 09:09 AM (107 Views) | |
| Post #1 Feb 21 2010, 09:09 AM |
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Sunday, February 21, 1020 DEAR CONFLICTED: Did you suddenly discover your wife had a druggie son after you married? Doubtful. You married badly, and that has consequences. Consequence #1: You went from thinking her son might be a junkie to knowing he was, while your relationship with your wife grew to the point where turning him in took on the air of betraying her. If you had not let yourself fall into this trap, you could have called the cops the first time you saw him breaking the law, without alienating the person who is now your wife. Of course, she would likely have never become your wife. Consequence #2: You are now living in a house, filled with the smell of garbage and illegal activity--illegal activity for which you may be criminally liable! Consequence #3: You are now enabling an enabler. In answer to your question: YES, you were wrong to put your foot down. The time to put your foot down was when you first suspected that the son of the woman you were dating was using drugs. You should have ended the relationship then, or you could have told your then-girlfriend that her son was a deal-breaker, letting her choose what happened to your relationship. She would have dumped you. Now that you are in this situation, what should you do other than put your foot down? Call the cops. Period. No warning. No ultimatum. Call the cops. As long as you know that your step-son is breaking the law in your home and are allowing it, YOU are breaking the law. Of course, you will get dumped. Next time, choose wisely. DEAR PARENT: The problem is not so much that others are being intolerant of your autistic child. You are being intolerant of others. If someone hears "Good morning!" in the afternoon or evening, he will be taken aback. Not all people can gather themselves in a timely manner and respond. By the time they gather themselves, they may find it awkwardly late to respond. Cut them some slack. They are the ones who were put on the spot. To test this theory, pay attention to when people respond. While your son's autism may be off-putting for some regardless of the time of day, you will get more responses in the morning than at other times. Folks will be less taken aback hearing "Good morning!" in the morning. On the cell phone and i-pod issue: A minority of the people who are not responding do not respond because they have tuned out the world. While that is rude, there is little you can do while in those situations. Just join the rest of us who are routinely decrying the rudeness in the hope of reducing it a bit. DEAR GRATEFUL: No, a thank-you not would not be appropriate. Along those lines, send a memo expressing your appreciation for the companies policies towards it employees. Stress that, as a new employee, you were made to feel a part of the family by being treated just like the long-term employees. Make sure the memo is professional and not too personal (like a thank-you note would be). |
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3:00 AM May 22