| We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration will allow you to join in the discussion which is amazingly free of personal rancor and trolls! We are currently looking for posters from both the left and the right who have a demonstrated capacity to discuss fervently without letting personalities get in the way. Is that you? We need more staff. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Canadian Joan, Just a Nice Guy , and Ruminating | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Feb 19 2010, 07:17 PM (111 Views) | |
| Post #1 Feb 19 2010, 07:17 PM |
|
|
Friday, February 19, 2010 DEAR JOAN: Okay, let's get this straight, someone gets something for free, making no commitment and not paying for it. He continues to expect the freebie because the other person is afraid to speak up, and the other person wonders why he keeps doing it and how to get him to stop? You get him to stop expecting the freebies by stopping giving him the freebies, and we're not just talking about the rent that he is getting for nothing. Kick him out. And, don't let him back until you are sure he's going to kick in some money and has already kicked in a permanent ring. Now, you are surely not going to follow this advice. It's more important to you that don't wreck your "relationship," despite the "relationship'" being the one between a parasite and its host. So, let's just answer your question; no, there isn't any way. DEAR JUST A NICE GUY: Abby's advice is actually pretty good. I would just add to stop worrying about your self-esteem. That term is used for the self-image that we blame on others. Go for self-respect. Self-respect is the positive self image you build based on your own actual accomplishments, regardless of anyone else's opinion of you. I think the best place for you to meet like-valued young people is at church or temple. If you don't already belong, I suggest you start attending. Not so much because it will make you a better person, but because it is a world you are probably already a part of without really realizing it. DEAR RUMINATING: There is no such rule. Now, for the part of the answer you won't like: Eating each food item completely before starting the next AND taking one bite of each in a rotating pattern are BOTH compulsive behaviors. This is not to say you or your wife is OCD. That would be for a professional to diagnose. However, it does not take a professional to notice that the isolated behaviors are compulsive. It also concerns me that your wife is telling you that your compulsive behavior is somehow inappropriate, while hers is the correct compulsive behavior. If this is just a little pet argument you two have for fun, and neither of you is really making any big deal out of this, don't let this answer spoil your fun. However, if how you two choose to select your next bite to eat is affecting either of your ability to maintain a healthy and loving relationship, it's time to see a professional. Look for one who deals with obsessive and compulsive behaviors. |
Administrator
  ![]](http://z2.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
|
 
|
 |
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Dear, Sweet Abby Got it Wrong! · Next Topic » |
1:38 PM Feb 7