| We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration will allow you to join in the discussion which is amazingly free of personal rancor and trolls! We are currently looking for posters from both the left and the right who have a demonstrated capacity to discuss fervently without letting personalities get in the way. Is that you? We need more staff. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Knows the Truth and Rotting | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Feb 18 2010, 09:14 AM (122 Views) | |
| Post #1 Feb 18 2010, 09:14 AM |
|
|
Dear Margo, February 13, 3010 Abby's column today is one on which I am particularly unqualified to comment. Margo got it wrong in her latest weekend column, so I take it on today: DEAR KNOWS THE TRUTH: Like Margo, I am not sure what you "know" and how you know it. Let's assume that you haver first-hand knowledge of his trolling for women on the Internet for the purpose of committing adultery. First-hand means either that you were the other woman or you personally witnessed his actions. Anything you heard from someone else or inferred from actual first-hand knowledge is second-hand. Never, ever share second-hand information with anyone. Second-hand information always falls into the realm of gossip, which is, by nature, hurtful and hateful. Even first-hand information can be gossip. If it is related to someone who doesn't need to know or for any reason other than to help those involved, then it is gossip. So, examine what you know and why you want to relate it. Continuing with the assumption that you have first-hand information and adding the assumption that your motivation is to be helpful, here is the advice: First, confront the husband with what you know. Give him the opportunity to "come clean" and to try to make things right with his wife. If he chooses to continue the deceptive behavior, arrange a one-on-one time with the wife. Maybe, you could go for a walk. Tell her, sticking to the facts. Don't let this turn into any kind of argument. If things get rough, stay calm. Apologize kindly and walk away if need be. Be aware that you are possibly shattering this woman's world view. Certainly, confronting the husband first could prompt him to do damage control. He might even alert his wife to the "crazy woman who will try to tell her horrible things" about him. You may never get a real chance to share the facts with the wife. (That will mainly depend on the wife's willingness to accept reality.) All you can do is try. Just be sure to remove yourself from the situation if you are hurting more than you are helping. DEAR ROTTING: Quit whining, get a job, any job, build an adult life, and move out. Once you are truly independent, then your lofty goals can become your primary focus. Until then, your focus should be to stop being a burden on others. It boils down to this: You cannot help others until you have first helped yourself. |
Administrator
  ![]](http://z2.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
|
 
|
 |
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Dear, Sweet Abby Got it Wrong! · Next Topic » |
2:18 PM Feb 7