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| Betrayed, Hang it up, and Sick to my Stomach | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 17 2010, 09:52 AM (159 Views) | |
| Post #1 Feb 17 2010, 09:52 AM |
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010 DEAR BETRAYED: Contrary to Abby's answer, you did the right thing. While following her advice might have given you a little more self-satisfaction at the expense of your cheating girlfriend and your disloyal roommate, it would also have created more pain for you when they loudly tried to make their selfish and hurtful behavior somehow your fault, parading a litany of "transgressions" on your part that demanded their response of having sex in your bathroom. You were wise to just walk away. What to do now? Quietly and unceremoniously dump your girlfriend. Send her an email, telling her how you know what she did, that it is unacceptable, and that you are moving on. Keep it matter-of-fact. Then block her return emails and phone calls. Block any other email addresses and phone numbers through which she contacts you. DO NOT RESPOND. Delete any emails except threats. (File any threats. You'd be amazed at the things exes do, and you might need the proof.) Immediately follow the advice from the last letter in this column. Go to the housing office and file a written report of your roommate's behavior. Stick to the facts that you know; don't editorialize or use accusatory adjectives. People who hear the facts as you have related them will see you as the victim and your roommate and girlfriend as lowlifes. Request a change of room assignment. In the interim, remove anything of value from your room, and make temporary living arrangements, even if it requires sleeping on someone's floor. Cut your ties with these two people, cleanly and forever--without any fuss at all. Make sure that they do not drag you down into the ex vortex where each of you say and do hurtful and hateful things to each other. Ignore them completely. They do not exist, and the chapter in your life of which they were a part is closed. In the future, bear in mind the purpose of dating. You are looking for a woman with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life. You must be able to trust her. Do not be surprised to find that a girl who will readily puts out for you, will just as readily put out for others. If you consider sex to be monogamously part of a committed relationship (as you should), then make sure that you have that level of commitment before having sex. Otherwise, you are likely creating a relationship with a woman who values the pleasure of sex over the commitment, and will betray you for sex on a whim. DEAR HANG IT UP: The cell phones have nothing to do with the willingness of parents to say inappropriate things in front of kids, theirs and other's. That behavior is a symptom of parents having abdicated their duty to parent their children. Bottom line: Don't let your children be around parents who do not take their responsibilities as seriously as you do. Yes, this will inconvenience the heck out of you. Most parents are not parenting their kids these days. However, what is important is your child, not your convenience. Either find a carpool of like-minded parents, or drive your children yourself. Oh, and contrary to Abby's answer, states can legislate common sense when it comes to the use of cell phones while driving. Driving is a privilege that is licensed, not a right. The state has a right (and a duty) to regulate behavior on the highways. DEAR SICK TO MY STOMACH: No one should have to remind people not to give out passwords. However, if one chooses a spouse wisely, with the intention of a lifelong commitment, sharing the password with a spouse should pose no problem at all. Of course, if one chose unwisely, or had no intention of making a lifelong, trust-filled commitment, when everything comes crashing down--and it will--one should change all passwords, move banking accounts, switch credit cards, and otherwise resecure one's life. However, folks who make lousy choices in spouses tend not to do wise things in other aspects of their lives. Now, onto the specifics of what you observed that prompted your asking to have an obvious bit of wisdom shared: Why on earth would you tolerate the folks around you behaving in such an immoral (and probably illegal) way??? Say, "That's just wrong," and walk away. Make it known that, if you witness illegal acts, you will feel compelled to notify the appropriate people. Stop tolerating what these women are doing. You are just as wrong as they are when you do! Despite Abby's neglecting the moral aspects of the actions you related (and did nothing to stop), she is right in comparing the sharing of passwords with the giving of keys. Passwords are keys. They are also equivalent to account numbers and PINs. Sharing passwords also give people access to your money. |
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2:58 AM May 22